Even though this is some public, online journal, I'm going to start it off with "Dear Diary." Since I feel that it is more of a diary than some related to a newspaper column. I'm going to pretend that this is somewhere sacred, locked somewhere far far away, where nobody can find you. And even if they did, they wouldn't have the key to it. So, Dear Diary, tonight I am confused.
Lately, I've been feeling like someone new. Like someone who just washed away all of their worries and previous mistakes. I feel stronger, in a way that I can not describe. I feel like I can make my own decisions better, without always having to go to a friend for help and a pep talk. But most of all Diary, I've been feeling like I don't need a guy in my life.
I've always been the type of have to have a guy in my life. I'm not sure if it made myself feel more stable, or if it just made me feel as if I was a regular girl. Either way, I was terribly obsessed. Almost, sadly, to the point, where I would feel stalkerish. But it didn't give a bad feeling(Is that bad for not having a bad feeling about being a stalker? I'm pretty sure it's bad.) I would work hard for some guys, and just be lazy and daydream about others. What a hoot that was.
But now, as I'm sitting here 12:43, let me correct that now that the minute changed, 12:44 midnight, I don't need a guy. I'm strong enough, right? Yeah right. Until my ex boyfriend called. This "relationship" of ours has been an on-off thing for almost 2 years. It's not the cute "Aww you two will figure it out one day" sort of thing.(Even though my friend insists that it is, I say it's not.) This is a cheating, lying, scumbag. And I sit here and wonder, "Why did I say yes to him again?" Oh Diary, I wish I had the courage to say no to him for once. I wish I could understand why I'm so oblivious to him. Please Diary, let me find the inner voice to direct me away from him.
I feel as if I could add word after word all night, but I should get some sleep.
-Resident of Love Avenue
